My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
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