Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
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