He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
