i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
