I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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