yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
