u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
