My nipple is on Facebook.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
