I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
