9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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