The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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