We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
