its not stalking. its research.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Randomize
