If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
