It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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