Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
