Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
