Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
