I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
