Porn is love you can see.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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