Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
