Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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