what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
