he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
