i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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