he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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