i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
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