Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Panties = found
Randomize
