call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I want to be your penis for a week.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
