Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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