I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
