My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
