come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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