The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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