The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
