so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
