She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
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