fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
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All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
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My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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