My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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