You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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