yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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