So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize