He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
