break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
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Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize