guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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