I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
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Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
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I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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