Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
