I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
