I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
