I've blown a few things in my day
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
