If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
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