Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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