and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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