Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
