Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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