he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
