did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
