are you so shy because you have an std?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
