Rock
Scissors
Fuck
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
