Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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