Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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