From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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