Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
