I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
