I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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