Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
