My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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