she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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