Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
