If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
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Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
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Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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