In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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